September 06, 2016

Are you having difficulty dealing ….

These resources are available for loan to members of AANSW - if you would like to reserve them please email the Library on

 Too nice for your own good : how to stop making 9 self-sabotaging mistakes
Being nice often means we take on too much, tell little lies, strive endlessly for perfection, and fall prey to other self-defeating behaviours.. Outlines the nine unconscious mistakes nice people make daily, and he shows how to correct them and avoid unnecessary stress with life-affirming actions. Learn how to:
-- Say "no" and save yourself from burnout
-- Tell others what you want, and actually receive it
-- Express anger in healing ways that maintain valued relationships
-- Respond effectively when irrationally criticized or attacked
-- Liberate your true self…

  Controlling people
Does this sound like someone you know?
•Always needs to be right
•Tells you who you are and what you think
•Implies that you're wrong or inadequate when you don't agree
•Is threatened by people different from him- or herself
•Feels attacked when questioned
•Doesn't seem to really hear or see you
If any of the traits above sound familiar, help is on the way!..Tackles the "controlling personality," and reveals why and how these people try to run other people's lives..

  Don't bite the hook : finding freedom from anger, resentment, and other destructive emotions [CD]
Life has a way of provoking us with traffic jams, with emotionally distant partners and crying children--and before we know it, we're upset. We feel terrible, and then we end up saying and doing things that only make matters worse. But it doesn't have to be that way, says Pema Chödrön . It is possible to relate constructively to the inevitable shocks, losses, and frustrations of life so that we can find true happiness… not biting the "hook" of our habitual responses… to reveal how we can: stay centered in the midst of difficulty ; improve stressful relationships; step out of the downward spiral of self-hatred; awaken compassion for ourselves and others"…

 The verbally abusive relationship : how to recognize it and how to respond
a) Does your partner seem irritated or angry at you several times a week?
b) Does he deny being angry when he clearly is?
c) Do your attempts to discuss feelings of pain or emotional distress leave you with the feeling that the issue has not been resolved?
d) Do you frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses, as though you were each speaking a different language?
In this book, you'll find validation and understanding -- "it not all in your head" -- and encouragement for your efforts to change the situation… explores the damaging effects of verbal abuse on children and the family…

   Nonviolent communication : a language of compassion
… is a simple process that facilitates the flow of communication necessary to exchange information and resolve differences compassionately. It is based on identifying shared standards and needs can be practically applied in family and personal relationships… encourages people to use language that increases goodwill. It teaches people how to avoid language that creates resentment or lowers self-esteem. It emphasizes compassion as the motivation for actions, rather than fear, guilt, shame or blame. It also emphasizes personal responsibility for our choices

 Taking care of parents who didn't take care of you : making peace with aging parents
*They've Fallen And They Can't Get Up; Our Parents Need Help
 Caregivers' stories: Eleanor's story:  Returning to help aging parents: surprise: denial: early signs of change: the call we can't refuse .. caring for children versus caring for parents : Estate issues: estate planning: family heirlooms: letting go
* Can't cope! Reengaging the past
 Family issues: what kind of family did I grow up in?: family myths, family scripts: family roles..
*Time For Action: Choices And Compromises
Finding a new role: expectations: choices: priorities; being taken for granted: setting boundaries: dealing with our siblings: creating freedom :: who is saying what: getting siblings to help: caregiving from a distance: helping the primary caregiver : Taking care of the caregivers: burnout: self-pity: setting boundaries: finding a therapist: support groups; friends: physical responses to stress: exercise: letting off steam: nutrition: meditation: reclaiming caregivers' lives
*The Parents; Acceptance And Healing  Making peace: communicating : finding freedom: gratitude: letting ourselves off the hook: grieving: death and dying :Breaking the cycle


Boundaries : where you end and I begin
Boundaries separate us from others physically and emotionally. In fact, they are essential for our mental and physical health as well as for developing healthy relationships. Yet every day, people's boundaries are violated by friends, family, or coworkers. Despite the importance of personal boundaries many people are unaware of how or when these very important lines are crossed.

 Coping with Alzheimer's: a caregiver's emotional survival guide
 A practical as well as philosophical guide for caregivers…invaluable insight into coping with the emotional challenges of taking care of a person living with dementia : denial, anger, guilt, shame, depression, stress, acceptance. These concepts are analysed and practical guides are provided on how to deal with them successfully. …a compassionate as well as rational look at the life and tasks of caregivers, whether they be a lay person or a professional. Many examples of coping are presented in the form of dialogues… urge caregivers to accept that the person is no longer the same person that they were, and therefore need to practice emotional distancing.
Caring for a loved one who has Alzheimer's can be stressful and depressing, unless one has the proper tools for coping with such a task. This book provides such tools, and is a must read for anyone taking care of an Alzheimer's patient.

  Elder rage or take my father...please!
The author's true story, written with compassion and humour, about caring for her frail mother and demanding and, she discovers, demented father. The book contains a good list of Jacqueline's Top Ten Recommendations - advice that she wishes she had had earlier.
“I took care of my very ‘challenging’ father and sweet mother (both with undiagnosed Alzheimer’s) and was so compelled by the unbelievable experience I wrote, ‘Elder Rage.’ it is a Book-of-the-Month Club selection receiving 500+ 5-Star Amazon reviews, 50+ celebrity endorsements”

Can't we talk about something more pleasant?
Told through four-color cartoons, family photos, and documents, it’s both comfort and comic relief for anyone experiencing the life-altering loss of elderly parents. anxious father who had relied heavily on his wife for stability as he slipped into dementia and a former assistant principal mother whose overbearing personality had sidelined Chast for decades—the themes are universal: adult children accepting a parental role; aging and unstable parents leaving a family home for an institution; dealing with uncomfortable physical intimacies; managing logistics; and hiring strangers to provide the most personal care.

  Slow dancing with a stranger : lost and found in the age of Alzheimer's
 A New York Times Bestseller
Award winning broadcast journalist and leading Alzheimer’s advocate Meryl Comer’s Slow Dancing With a Stranger is a profoundly personal, unflinching account of her husband’s battle with Alzheimer’s disease that serves as a much-needed wake-up call to better understand and address a progressive affliction.
 With harrowing honesty, she brings readers face to face with this devastating condition and its effects on its victims and those who care for them. Detailing the daily realities and overwhelming responsibilities of caregiving.  Pragmatic and relentless!

  To love what is : a marriage transformed
It is inspirational, engaging and intimate. The writer shares the tumultuous events in her marriage which result when her husband, who has early signs of dementia, suffers severe brain damage after a fall.
The author openly shares her innermost feelings and struggles. Within the diabolically changed circumstances of their lives there is much sadness and despair at times but this is countered by a sense of striving to truly live fully as a couple and as individuals. They are forced by the unfolding new reality of “what is” to redefine their relationship... at first with her husband’s needs being paramount and then, finding a precarious balance, as she rediscovers her own life.

  Green vanilla tea - winner of the Finch Memoir Prize.
It took nearly four years before there was a diagnosis of early onset dementia coupled with motor neurone disease.
In the midst of the delights of family life, tragedy can strike. Marie Williams watches helplessly as an un-diagnosable condition debilitates her 40-year-old husband, Dominic, in both body and mind. As the condition develops, the normally devoted family man and loving partner seems to disappear beneath an expressionless face and a relentless desire to walk and walk and walk at all hours of the day and night.
In a compelling story that spans both joy and sadness.

  I wish I were a leper : the diary one couple's struggle with fear, faith and Alzheimer's
I wish I were a Leper is based on diary and journal entries which accurately record the journey Vince O'Rourke and his wife Margaret O’Rourke took with Alzheimer’s disease. Because of its early onset, the disease rapidly adversely affected Margaret’s quality of life.
This is a story that grabs the reader's attention from the outset. It is a record of unconditional love, pain and suffering, hope and despair, anger and elation, as well as of a personal conflict of faith. It speaks clearly to all who care for those suffering long term terminal diseases, especially those allied to dementia.

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