October 02, 2015

2 touching movies related to dementia and the book "Taking care of parents who didn't take care of you : making peace with aging parents"



Nebraska
*this is a great example of caring for parents that weren't great parents and also demonstrates great communication !
(see the book Taking care of parents who didn't take care of you : making peace with aging parents)
This is a story about hope. Hope for a different future, hope to improve the relationship between a father and son, hope to right old wrongs, hope that life can get better rather than harder.
Although it would have been simple to paint many of the characters as people worthy of pity and derision, instead you are shown that everyone is complex, simple, nice, nasty.
Nebraska excels in that it shows us different perspectives of each family member’s experience of Woody’s possible or probable dementia and leaves us to draw our own conclusions. The humour is dark, but there are frequent moments of undeniable levity. It’s cheeky and unapologetic. And it feels real. Which makes it special.
Watch this if:
• You like stories about complicated, imperfect people and their relationships
• You’d like to see a different story about dementia – maybe.
Don’t watch this if:
• You don’t like swearing
• You prefer your stories a little less up close and personal.


 
Still mine
 This is an intimate portrait of Frank, a man in his late eighties who finds himself caring for his wife of 61 years. Whilst no formal diagnosis is ever made, it is apparent that Irene has dementia and requires more support to continue to live at home. Facing the realities of their changing circumstances, Frank decides to build a dwelling more suitable than their long-term family home and is thrust into the contemporary world of permits, plans, building codes and the consequences of not complying with these restrictions.
Whilst taking on more tasks within the home, to compensate for Irene’s changing abilities, Frank also contends with the concerns of his seven children and their preference to have Irene, or possibly both Frank and Irene, getting professional care or support. Still Mine is ultimately a story about a relationship between husband and wife and their staunch determination to remain together and care for one another. At times, this means other family members are excluded and disregarded. Yet no one doubts their devotion to one another. It is a story of empowerment and acceptance in very stressful circumstances. Whilst their situation bends them, it does not break them and Still Mine is, among other things, a story of triumph.
 
 

Taking care of parents who didn't take care of you : making peace with aging parents

PART I THEY'VE FALLEN AND THEY CAN'T GET UP; OUR PARENTS NEED HELP
1. Caregivers' stories: Eleanor's story -- 2. Returning to help aging parents: surprise: denial: early signs of change: the call we can't refuse -- 3. Losing independence: communication: driving: nutrition: personal hygiene: housekeeping: medications: caring for children versus caring for parents -- 4. Estate issues: estate planning: family heirlooms: letting go
PART II I CAN'T COPE! REENGAGING THE PAST
5. Family issues: what kind of family did I grow up in?: family myths, family scripts: family roles: caregiver roles: dealing with today -- 6. Coping issues for the adult child: how families handle emotions: caregiver emotions: rigidity versus flexifility: core values
PART III TIME FOR ACTION: CHOICES AND COMPROMISES
7. Finding a new role: expectations: choices: priorities; being taken for granted: setting boundaries: dealing with our siblings: creating freedom -- 8. Decisions and plans: making decisions: reliability: who is saying what: getting siblings to help: caregiving from a distance: helping the primary caregiver: talking to our parents: being prepared -- 9. Living arrangements: hiring temporary help; hiring live-in help: senior housing: nursing homes: living with adult children: respite care: elder abuse: making a placement decision: Presenting the plan to our parents -- 10. Taking care of the caregivers: burnout: self-pity: setting boundaries: finding a therapist: support groups; friends: physical responses to stress: exercise: letting off steam: nutrition: meditation: reclaiming caregivers' lives
PART IV HONOR THEY PARENTS; ACCEPTANCE AND HEALING
11. Making peace: communicating with our parents: listening to our parents: making connections: interviewing our parents: silence and respect; finding freedom: gratitude: letting ourselves off the hook: grieving: death and dying -- 12. Breaking the cycle
 
 
These and other similar resources are available for loan to members of AANSW - if you would like to reserve them please email the Library on nsw.library@alzheimers.org.au

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